The eternal importance of a Present Father

Gone are the days when fathers’ primary role is to go out and earn to provide. With a change in times, where woman have become either more careers driven, or need to aid in finances by also having a full-time job. The loads are being shared a lot more equally. This is not solely the case why men are more involved in the care of their child or children though… Men are more active because they want to be. They want to be present in all the milestones from birth all the way into adulthood. And a lot of men have become more aware of the importance of their presence and not only the importance of they money they bring in.

Other factors also come because there are single fathers, divorced fathers that want equal shared parenting and fathers that need to deal with mothers that have abandoned their child. Fathers also need to deal with these things. But never get the remorse a mother does when it comes to these things. But that is a topic for another day.

The fact of the matter is, single dad, divorced dad, married dad, whatever kind of dad you are. The most important thing you could ever be for your child is Present. As much as you can possibly be.

When my son was born and we first arrived home, the sudden realization that there is now a life solely dependent on me hit me like the Hulk smashed Loki. I said to myself ‘WTF have we gotten ourselves into’. But that pressure soon faded that same night I was putting my son to sleep for the first time in what was his brand new home. I felt content with the fact that this boy will be my reason for everything I do from this day moving forward. Without much thought or effort, I very quickly became the more hands parent in the house. I enjoyed the process off making the bottles and putting my son down for his nap, or to put him down for the night (not always the whole night) and was sure to come straight home from work to be there in time to give him his bath before bed. I was the one that very happily woke up during the night to soothe my son back to sleep when he woke up, and to give him his bottle at 3:00 in the morning. His mother was the first one to go out with friends at nights while I was a lot happier to stay at home taking care of my son over heading out to drink beers with my friends. And over those first few months I formed a bond with my son so strongly that not even the use of the Power Stone could break it. And this bond between me and my son became more and more evident to me and everyone around us the older my son got, not only in my actions, but in the actions of my son towards me. The way he was happy, calm and willing to explore knowing I am close by. For the first time in my life, I felt that I was living out my complete purpose in life. Supporting my family, starting a new business and being a present father to my son, regardless of what other stress I had at that point. Because he was whom I was working as hard as I was for.

I will cover more to our story above in future posts in relation to the topics we will be discussing here. Because there are always some unfortunate twists that life can bring. But this part of the story serves a fundamental purpose and point. I made a commitment to being as present a father as I can possibly be, but fulfilling that commitment became such a natural thing to do, that it took very little effort to do it. It was WHAT I do with my time and presence that started to become my main focus. Gaining knowledge on raising an upstanding son, with good character and upstanding values. Knowledge that I had learnt through effort, and knowledge I learned through mistakes and experiences. This will be knowledge I will share with you in future posts. And the knowledge of experts that have inspired and helped me along the way. This is why one of our first topics is presence. Because you cannot have a positive and meaningful impact or influence on your children without your PRESENCE.

If you believe your presence is not important. Remember this.

Research has shown that children from fatherless homes are more likely to be poor, become involved in drug and alcohol abuse, drop out of school, and suffer from health and emotional problems. Boys are more likely to become involved in crime, and girls are more likely to become pregnant as teens.

(It is important to keep in mind that: studies have revealed that the outcome of children in SIGNLE FATHER HOMES, yield almost the exact same results as children raised in a two-parent home with both parents present equally. While these results above and below usually come into factor in absent or fatherless homes, and single mother homes) So single or divorced fathers out there. Your presence is more important that you will ever know. Your children’s outcomes are very dependent on your presence.

Here are some more instances bellow:

1. Reduced Communication Skills

Children with both parents around experience richer communication, gaining not only verbal interaction but also exposure to non-verbal cues and parental dialogue. Fatherless children miss this advantage, receiving less direct communication and fewer examples of adult interactions.

Advice: As a father, you should always encourage frequent, open and honest communication without consequences. If you want your child to communicate effectively, they cannot be scared to do so.

2. Decreased Cognitive Development

A 2013 McGill University study on mice showed that fatherless development affects the prefrontal cortex, impacting impulse control, planning, and social behavior. This brain difference may explain why children without fathers face similar issues, like academic challenges and increased drug sensitivity.

Advice: Engage in activities that enhance cognitive abilities, such as puzzles, chess, and continuous learning.

3. Relational and Behavioral Challenges

Kids without fathers or fathers that are absent often feel abandoned, leading to trust and intimacy issues. They may struggle to manage anger and anxiety, contributing to behavioral problems and affecting their relationships.

Advice: You need to not only man up and ensure your child never feels abandoned by you. Nothing to them should seem more important to you than them. Find mentors or seek counseling to help you build relational and behavioral skills to mirror on to your kids if you have your own past traumas you’re dealing with

4. Mental Health Struggles

Without the stability a father’s presence provides, children may feel insecure, contributing to higher rates of anxiety and depression.

Advice: The statement speaks for itself. Your absence can cause damage that walks with your children into adulthood. Always have your presence also include connecting on an emotional level with your child. If you yourself experience and mental health struggles. Consider professional support to address underlying mental health issues, because getting yourself in a better mental state can only benefit your kids and foster resilience in them.

5. Sexual Health and Behavior Risks  

The lack of a fathers presence can impair long-term decision-making, leading to impulsive behavior, early sexual activity, and, for girls, a higher risk of attachment issues.

Advice: Maintain an open, ongoing dialogue about healthy relationships and sexual choices, rather than a one-time conversation. And as mentioned before. Your own behaviors will be mirrored by your children. Lead by example by treating whoever is in your and your child’s life in the same manner you would want you kids to treat people too.

You can equate this last point of advice to many other factors. Because your child will mirror your actions and learn behavior from you in how you express that behavior. It is like the saying goes “It is not the child who is taught about love, but the child who has experienced love that grows into a health, happy, well adjusted adult”

In closing

Never underestimate the importance of your presence, involvement and commitment to always be there for your children. In life, villains will come along the way to discourage you from doing so. Past traumas will begin to haunt you and illicit behaviors that affected you when you were still a child yourself. Always strive to be better and remember that you are not your past. You can let your past define you, or you can acknowledge it and aspire to be better for your child every day of your life.

Super-Dad Ben

Founder: Superhero-Dad

Book of the week | Raising Mentally Strong Kids