Dads, You’re Doing Great | Don’t let anyone put you down

Let me share a personal insight. I have a family member who has been relentlessly critical of everything I do for as long as I can remember. This person seems to derive some twisted satisfaction from convincing themselves that I’m wrong about everything in order to bring me down. Ironically, they’re wrong most of the time. Yet they persist in forcing their opinions onto me, trying to tear me down, sometimes doing so through other family members. Now while I never in my life allowed what they say about me or too me to carry water in my mind (I just don’t care what anyone thinks of me in general), but you do tend to be sensitive to critique when you become a parent.

After my son was born, I began to see it clearly. Suddenly, I noticed their relentless barrage of unsolicited advice: 

- "You’re too soft with discipline." 

- "Don’t pick him up every time he cries; he’ll grow up weak." 

- "Stop holding him so much—it’ll make him a ‘wuss.’" 

The list went on, and on, and on. 

One day, after yet another exhausting visit with this family member, I took a hard look at their parenting style. I saw the shouting, the swearing, the loss of control over the smallest things. I noticed the constant negativity, the arguments with their spouse in front of their child, the discipline driven by fear. 

And then it hit me. “Why am I even letting this person’s opinion bother me?” Why would I let someone whose parenting I don’t respect, or whose life I would never want to emulate, influence how I raise my son? 

That day, I made a promise to myself and my son: 

I promised to be the most calm, patient, understanding, present, consistent, and supportive father I could ever be. That promise became my anchor. From then on, the opinions of others—especially those who parent destructively or live unhappily—would never sway me. And family or not, I will distance myself from any negative or destructive people. Taking their advice would be like asking financial guidance from someone drowning in debt. 

Be the Father YOU Want to Be

Here’s the advice I’d give any dad: 

1. Reflect on the father you want to be.

Think about your childhood. Be honest with yourself—are you carrying past traumas into your parenting? Identify them. Write them down. Then figure out where you can improve. And be honest about where you can do better. Read more on the steps to get past Childhood Trauma in my article HERE

2. Surround yourself with the right people.

Seek out dads and people who align with the values you want to embody. Distance yourself from toxic influences that undermine your confidence or encourage destructive habits. You become the people you surround yourself with. Make sure it’s the right people.  

3. Man up and own your shortcomings.

Being a great dad means holding yourself accountable. Yes, you’ll make mistakes—we all do. The difference is acknowledging them and committing to do better. Self-awareness and self-improvement should be at the heart of your parenting. If you claim, “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for my children,” make sure that includes becoming the best version of yourself. 

Nobody’s Perfect

Let’s be real: perfection isn’t the goal. I feel parent guilt every single day. But here’s the thing—I don’t let it define me. When I make a mistake, I reflect on it, learn from it, and ensure I don’t repeat it. 

As long as you’re committed to growth, self-awareness, and giving your best, you can rest assured; You are doing great. You are the father your child deserves. 

Stay strong, stay calm, and trust yourself. Your child loves you, and you’ve got this.

Book Of the Week

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Breaking Generational Patterns: A Self-Improvement Guide Based on the book abovementioned: It Didn’t Start with You by Mark Wolynn